A year before I stepped down I was explaining my rationale to a friend - who still likes to remind me of what I said. A prime reason to leave was that I didn't want to die. Physically and in real life, that was a fear - to be the leader who heroically keeps on giving, and then drops dead shortly after retiring (which anecdotally seems distressingly common among headteachers!).
So I think the connection to mortality is fascinating, and the 'need to be needed' a really powerful and potentially dangerous stimulant. I don't think I've kicked the addiction since leaving, but at least I am seeing that there are lots of platforms and contexts in which one is or can feel needed, and fixing it all in a role - however satisfying - is risky.
I also reflect on the need to listen to our bodies, which may be nudging us to do things that are good for our wider wellbeing as well as for our physical health...
Well, at least if you think you are indispensible you are in good company. For example Margaret Thatcher and Joe Biden. In the first case she never really got over being ejected, and in the second he hangs on even though to a dispassionate observer that doesn't seem to be a very good idea. I think it's a deeply spiritual issue because it's an aspect of denying one's mortality.
One possible solution is never to do any job which doesn't have a fixed term. And if there isn't a fixed term, announce your leaving date when you start, and stick to it. Then it is clear to you and to everyone else that you are explicitly dispensible....right from the get go.
Thank you for this fascinating comment. I think you're right about the connection to denying our mortality. I will consider devoting a newsletter to this point.
I suspect that many - including me - would never have had the confidence to announce a leaving date at the start. It's a great idea, but I think most people need a different route to Leave Well | Live Better.
By the way, I now discover that the spelling "dispensible" went obsolete in the 18th century. Apologies to all readers (except of course Jacob Rees-Mogg if he happens to read this.)
As a wise rabbi once said to me, half the people in leadership roles suffer from impostor syndrome, and the other half ought to...
I really can't think where you got this from...!
A year before I stepped down I was explaining my rationale to a friend - who still likes to remind me of what I said. A prime reason to leave was that I didn't want to die. Physically and in real life, that was a fear - to be the leader who heroically keeps on giving, and then drops dead shortly after retiring (which anecdotally seems distressingly common among headteachers!).
So I think the connection to mortality is fascinating, and the 'need to be needed' a really powerful and potentially dangerous stimulant. I don't think I've kicked the addiction since leaving, but at least I am seeing that there are lots of platforms and contexts in which one is or can feel needed, and fixing it all in a role - however satisfying - is risky.
I also reflect on the need to listen to our bodies, which may be nudging us to do things that are good for our wider wellbeing as well as for our physical health...
Well, at least if you think you are indispensible you are in good company. For example Margaret Thatcher and Joe Biden. In the first case she never really got over being ejected, and in the second he hangs on even though to a dispassionate observer that doesn't seem to be a very good idea. I think it's a deeply spiritual issue because it's an aspect of denying one's mortality.
One possible solution is never to do any job which doesn't have a fixed term. And if there isn't a fixed term, announce your leaving date when you start, and stick to it. Then it is clear to you and to everyone else that you are explicitly dispensible....right from the get go.
Thank you for this fascinating comment. I think you're right about the connection to denying our mortality. I will consider devoting a newsletter to this point.
I suspect that many - including me - would never have had the confidence to announce a leaving date at the start. It's a great idea, but I think most people need a different route to Leave Well | Live Better.
Also including me. This is a matter of "do as I suggest, not as I actually do/did".
😀
By the way, I now discover that the spelling "dispensible" went obsolete in the 18th century. Apologies to all readers (except of course Jacob Rees-Mogg if he happens to read this.)